


Black Days & Skies Grey

by puptownfunk



Series: if all our life is but a dream [2]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:53:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8129443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puptownfunk/pseuds/puptownfunk
Summary: After Ryan leaves, Brendon’s world is grey. 
(Inspired by "Impossible Year")





	

After Ryan leaves, Brendon’s world is grey. 

He knows that’s dramatic and excessive and everything in between but every time he closes his eyes, he sees storms. They ravage his dreams and his thoughts and everything they touch.

So he tries to stay up until he can’t elude sleep any longer.

It’s fucked - of course it’s fucked - and he’s left looking a little too thin and feeling a little too small. 

He learns to avoid mirrors. 

 

Brendon tries to stay away from the Internet. Every time he sees a website call it a break-up, he wants to scream. Panic is still here. 

Kicked down and abandoned by people he considered his best friends but they survived. He survived. Even if it was just barely.

Maybe he’s a little too bitter. But at least he’s still here.

At least they’re still here. 

 

The nightmare is hazy but persistent; it burrows its way through his heart until he’s aching all the time. 

Something about dark days and standing in front of a beachfront of bad blood. 

The coast is unclear.

 

He goes to a party and meets a man with eyes like Ryan’s. 

Not as deep or beautiful, but he’ll settle.

They go out to dinner and Brendon finds himself hating those eyes. They don’t crinkle along with his smile or burn with anger.

They just stare, cold and unfeeling. They don’t even recoil when Liam tries to touch Brendon and he flinches.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, trying to look anywhere but those eyes. He takes a shaky breath and downs his gin.

It tastes like tears.

 

Brendon’s watching reruns of Full House at two in the morning when Ryan calls. 

Ryan’s voice is lazy and tinged with sleep. 

It hits Brendon like a shot of sunshine - moonshine, ha - and he melts. Even after everything, he melts every time. 

They talk until the stars disappear.

 

Brendon has spent hours imagining all the places he could bump into Ryan. At a concert, at an art museum (who said he’s not cultured?), at a mandatory draft for a war they’ll run away from - anywhere and everywhere. 

When he does bump into Ryan, it’s in the feminine hygiene section at Target.

He doesn’t ignore Ryan or flaunt his new album or throw hundred dollar bills at him - _see, I can fucking make it work, with or without you_ -, he doesn’t do any of the things he thought he was dying to do.

He just smiles. 

Ryan looks surprised. That stings and for the first time, Brendon wonders if it’s been hard on him too.

Ryan stands a little too close to him and talks a little too much about dogs. Brendon can almost see the storms breaking.

He wonders if they’ll be worse when Ryan leaves, when he stops calling Brendon and moves _on_. 

“I have to go,” he says quietly, but he can’t help hugging Ryan before he leaves.

Ryan holds on a little too long and the skies are bursting with blue.

 

Ryan calls every day now. Brendon can hear the ways he’s changed - so much more cautious and careful. 

“It’s been an impossible year,” he tells Ryan one night. 

Ryan is quiet for a while and Brendon’s halfway to sleep when he hears a whisper. 

“There’s no sunshine when there’s no you and me.”

Every dream, the coast is a little clearer.

 

They meet for coffee. He’s early, like always, and Ryan sees him through the window. He smiles and his eyes crinkle. 

Brendon smiles back. 

Then Ryan gets to the table and kisses him without a second thought - like an instinct - and Brendon is afraid he might fly away. 

The nightmares are just dreams now. 

 

It’s their first New Year’s Eve living together so they stay in and watch the ball drop. Ryan, being as adorable as he is, counts down along with the TV. 

He sees Brendon watching him and scowls. “I’ll kill you if you tell anyone,” he mumbles. 

Brendon grins. “Yeah - wouldn’t want to ruin your bad boy emo street cred.”

And then it’s a new year and they kiss. Ryan’s mouth tastes like champagne and moonlight.

Brendon is a little too in love.

“So,” Ryan mumbles against Brendon’s lips, “do you think this year will be as impossible as the last?”

Brendon looks at the moon illuminating their living room and then at Ryan, illuminating his heart.

He smiles.

“There’s only good times with you and me.”

 


End file.
